Jason, Nobody's Driving The Ship
by The Fishkeeper
Summary: Everyone but Alex is asleep when he finds that no one's driving the ship and the Thermians are all in a sort of hibernation. While the cast of Galaxy Quest try to figure out what to do, a strange ship requests permission to board.
1. Chapter 1

"JASON, NOBODY'S DRIVING THE SHIP."

Jason rolled over, still half-asleep, and groped for his vox to turn it off. After fumbling around for it, his fingers closed around it and he put it to his mouth, mumbling, "Oh shut up Alex. I'm trying to sleep." Collapsing back onto his pillow, he closed his eyes.

It was, in fact, the ship's communicator speakers, not Jason's vox, and actually Alex's voice projected all over the ship. Though, particularly, it seemed right in his ear to Jason.

"Laredo's not even on the deck and we're hurtling through the outer reaches of space to God knows where!" Alex was nearly shouting. The audio was so loud his voice was static and crackly.

With wild slaps at the wall, seeking the speaker to turn it off, Jason wasn't even listening. He only wanted to stop Alex's incessant complaining so he could go back to sleep. When his hand found the button, he pressed it hard and interrupted Alex, who was saying something about the possibility of another minefield.

"I'm not listening Alex. Go away!"

A couple doors down, Gwen stood in the doorway of her own bedroom, looking puzzled at what she was hearing. She crossed the hallway to the closest speaker and flipped the talk button.

"Alex, calm down. What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong_?" he repeated emphatically. "The fact that no one is piloting the bloody ship is what's _wrong_!"

"Why don't you ask the Thermians to do something about it. Tommy can't be driving the whole time, he's probably asleep –"

"Gwen, WILL YOU JUST GET HIM UP HERE?"

Gwen put her hands on her hips huffily, cocked her head to one side, and said to the air, "Computer, is the ship on autopilot?"

"Negative. The automatic server's electromagnetic wiring has been severed."

"Gwe-en." Alex stretched out the word in a dangerously low tone.

Rolling her eyes at the characteristically controlled bad luck of The Protector, she ordered, "Computer, put Fred on." To no one in particular, she added, "Why does this seem so darn familiar?"

"It's all because of that stupid show," Alex said unhelpfully, glowering.

A screen fizzed on in front of her and a scene appeared of Fred sitting with his elbows on the table and his chin sinking into one palm, fast asleep.

"Fred, wake up. It's Gwen."

"Whah - what is it?" he inquired, blinking sleepily.

"The ship's autopilot isn't working. The automatic wiring has been severed."

Fred gave her a blank look. "You lost me." He got up and moved off screen. "- Hang on, I'll go ask that little guy…"

Up on the command deck, Alex smacked the computer counter and switched off the speaker, looking extremely vexed. He trudged over to his chair beside the commander's, and sat down to wait. He cupped his cheek in one hand and twiddled his fingers, nervously eyeing the dark blot that had appeared in space on the main screen. _It_ was what had him so worried. Out here in space, it could be anything. With the benefit of hindsight, Alex knew how cheesy the exaggerated perils featured in the show had been, but in this reality, anything could be dangerous.

"Hey Gwen," Fred's voice came on behind him. "It's bad news."

"What is it, Fred?"

"All the Thermians seem to be in some kind of hibernating state. I can't wake them up."

Alex jumped up and ran over to the speaker. "Might I remind you all that we're still flying without a pilot? Who cares whether the autopilot is working, just get Laredo up here!"

With all the noise, it was inevitable that Jason would eventually wake up and get out of bed. Still in his nightshirt and scruffy-haired from sleep, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, sighing resignedly, and took his turn with the speaker.

"Ok, _what_'s going on. Can't a man get some sleep on this ship?"

Alex made a sound of disbelief. "No one ever listens to me!"

"Yeah, what's happening?" the voice of Guy came on, to everyone's surprise. "I couldn't find the talking thingy," he explained.

"Jason, I think we'd better get to the command deck," Gwen said slowly.

"Alright alright," Jason gave in, going off to find his clothes.

"Guy, do you know which room Tommy's in?" Gwen asked, heading to the nearest elevator.

"No, sorry. The aliens put me in a room all by myself. There are like a hundred bunks in here. They give me a bad feeling…"

"Are you coming up or not?" Alex asked impatiently.

Jason came out of his bedroom to join Gwen, pulling on a black t-shirt. "Yes, Alex, we're coming." With a completely lost expression, he mouthed to Gwen, "What is going on?"

Gwen just rolled her eyes again and stepped inside the elevator.

A minute later, the entire crew of the NSEA Protector II (except Tommy) assembled on the command deck of the ship.

Alex swiveled his chair around to face them, looking like a judging angel with his arms tightly crossed. "There you are." And, to cut off the tide of questions they were all going to ask him, he added, "Just look out there. Something's coming toward us."

"Actually, I think we're going towards it," Jason corrected.

"Is it Sarris again?" Gwen asked, taking a couple steps forward to see better.

"It looks like a planet," Guy said.

Jason took his place in the commander's chair and squinted at the image, trying to figure out what it was.

The doors behind them suddenly opened and a sheepish-looking Tommy rushed in. "Sorry, sorry, I overslept…" he apologized, thinking they had all been up way before him.

"Trust you," Alex muttered, shooting him a dark look.

"Hey, I left it on autopilot you know. I'm not that stupid," Tommy countered, seeing the anxious looks on all their faces.

Alex stood up. "The thing is, I came up here to find a decent place to sleep –"

"What's wrong with your room?" Jason asked.

"My bed was a mat of spikes on the show, _if _you remember Jason," Alex replied dryly.

Jason had the grace to look humbled. "Oh. Go on."

"As I was saying –"

"You could've slept in one of our rooms, Alex," Gwen suggested.

All the men looked at her.

She revised hurriedly, "I mean, Guy had a hundred bunks to himself." She swept out her hand, motioning at Guy.

Alex threw up his arms in mock despair. "I'm grateful for the pity party, but are we really going to talk about this further?"

"Well, yeah," Tommy mumbled, "You're no fun when you're overtired."

Alex clenched his jaw, and turned to leave abruptly.

Jason put up his hand to stop everything. "Ok ok, let's just figure out what's going on. Gwen, can you put Fred on please?"

"Computer, can you put Fred on, please?"

The space image switched to the engine room. Fred's face came up close on screen.

"Fred, I hear our alien friends are hibernating," Jason began.

"Yeah, I can't wake them up."

"Computer," Gwen asked, "Why can't we wake up the Thermians?"

"The ship has drifted into the Abyrian Sector. The galactic temperature of the surrounding planets in the Sector is calescent. The physiology of the Thermian species is forced to shut down during such excessive conditions."

Everyone looked at Gwen for an explanation.

"Whatever," Jason said quickly. "They're sleeping it off."

"What about the planet thingy?" Guy demanded.

The screen flipped once again to the image of open space and the mysterious blot.

In the engine room, Fred only saw the five faces of them all screaming in unison.

"What the…heck?" he murmured.

There was a giant noise and the entire room shook, throwing Fred off his feet. The lights flickered irregularly and screen blurred out. There was an ensuing alarm howling all over the ship. Then, the Protector went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

"Not _again_."

Alex raised himself to his elbows, moaning softly at the ache of his bruised ribs. He had had enough of falling to the ground as a result of something crashing into the ship. He looked up and around at the darkened room. Everyone else had been thrown to the floor as well, and were starting to make sounds of recovery.

"Is everyone alright?"

"_Yow_! My arm again!"

"What was that thing?"

"Alex, Alex are you okay?" Gwen asked, being the closest to him. She had crawled over to him, her blonde her messed up and in her face from the fall.

"No. And this is all very familiar," he growled, lifting himself to his feet. He raised his voice to address the rest of them, particularly Jason. "I told you – I _told_ you it was coming toward us."

"What was that thing?" Guy repeated fearfully, sprawled underneath the counter.

"Computer, what happened?" Gwen asked, getting the hang of things now. After all, it was the second time this had happened.

There was silence.

"The ship's broken again?" Guy ventured. "Oh we're screwed."

Jason helped Gwen to her feet. "Tommy, check to see if _your_ computer works."

Tommy dragged himself back into his pilot's chair, cradling his injured arm. "It looks like everything's out," he informed them. "I can't see a thing!"

"Well, we're no worse off than before," Alex remarked pointedly. "Except the ship's probably a lot more crunched."

"Whaddo we do?" Guy asked, looking at Jason.

Jason glanced at each of their faces, trying to think of something. "Uh, wait a second. Just lemme think."

"_Thinking's_ not going to help. We've got to _do_ something."

"Alex, don't."

"Well we can't just wait until something else hits the ship. We can't even see – for all we know there could be something out there right now –"

"NSEA PROTECTOR II. WE REQUEST PERMISSION TO BOARD YOU SHIP."


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone froze and exchanged mystified glances with each other.

The strange ubiquitous voice boomed out again, repeating its question. "WE REQUEST PERMISSION TO BOARD YOUR SHIP."

Alex mouthed something to Jason, who didn't catch it and asked back "What?"

Rolling his eyes, Alex whispered, "Maybe they're the ones who crashed into us."

Jason nodded, understanding. "It could've been an accident. Maybe they want to help us. I'll let them come aboard."

"That is a bad idea," Gwen protested.

"What choice do we have?" Raising his voice, Jason said, "Uh, yeah sure. Permission granted."

"THANK YOU."

"Very polite," Alex remarked to Gwen in an undertone.

"DIGITIZING…"

Four figures appeared suddenly. Gwen gasped and all their eyes went wide.

Standing before them was the crew of Galaxy Quest.

Alex raised a pointing finger at his counterpart, but whatever he was going to say died on his parted lips. He looked sideways at Gwen and Jason in utter disbelief.

Commander Taggart had the shoulder-length haircut of the TV series, but was wearing what Jason thought to be a rather campy gold vest. The large as life version of Dr. Lazarus was not only far more haughty-looking than Alex's, but had a black beard around his mouth to match the eyebrows. Lieutenant Madison had on a red outfit with a miniskirt. The expendable crewman they had with them didn't even have a shirt on. None of them were wearing the original, respectable Galaxy Quest jumpsuits, but all four had gold sashes tied over their belts.

The two crews stood opposite each other, taken back in surprise, silent for several minutes.

The Commander Taggart pulled himself together first of everyone and put his fist to his chest in the traditional Galaxy Quest salute, which Guy and Gwen both returned out of habit and shock.

"I am Commander Peter Quincy Taggart. We saw your ship –" here, a confused expression crossed the Commander's face. No doubt, if this was a carbon copy of the Galaxy Quest crew, then their ship would look the same as The Protector II. "- And wondered if you needed assistance."

Jason's jaw dropped comically. The sudden appearance of himself - in a sleeveless shirt, no less - was unsettling. The fact that he was talking to him was doubly so.

The bearded Dr. Lazarus stepped forward. The eyebrow he raised was so significant it could've stood for the words "well, do you need our assistance or not?"

"Oh my gosh," Guy moaned from his position from beneath the counter. "What's going on?"

"That's what we'd like to know," Lieutenant Madison said, eyes glued to Gwen.

"Something crashed into the ship…" Tommy started. He wasn't nearly as unnerved as the rest for there was no duplicate of him present.

"That was probably a neutron comet. They're common in this Sector," Dr. Lazarus said. He was looking at Tommy oddly. For him, it was like seeing young Laredo grown up before his eyes.

"O. K.," said Jason finally.

"Who _are_ you?" Gwen asked. Her eyes were still wide in astonishment.

"I'm Commander Taggart and this is my crew, Dr. Lazarus and Lieutenant Tawny Madison –"

"We know," the other crew interrupted, in unison.

"Then may we ask who _you_ are," said Dr. Lazarus.

"We are uh…" Jason began, but received a hard jab from Gwen's elbow that silenced him.

Dr. Lazarus put his hands behind his back and paced in front of the original crew, stopping in front of Alex to look him up and down, unimpressed.

Alex mirrored Dr. Lazarus' arched eyebrow, though his look was one of incredulity, as if he couldn't believe what was happening.

"Whoever you are," he said, "We are looking for our ship's engineer, Tech Seargent Chen. He went missing during an implosion. We think he might've accidentally been counter-digitized during the storm. Hopefully onto your ship."

"You mean Fred?" Tommy asked feebly.

"Who's Fred?" Lieutenant Madison inquired, looking terribly interested.

"Um look," Jason began, walking over to his other self. "I think you've got the wrong ship. You see, our ship is very damaged. We were drifting when that comet must've hit us. If you can help us fix our ship, we can help you look for um your Tech Sergeant."

"Jason…!" Alex hissed.

Dr. Lazarus glanced from him to Jason. "You're sure he's not on your ship?" he demanded quietly.

Jason gave an uncomfortable laugh. "Heh, pretty darn sure."

Commander Taggart pulled out his gun. "We'll just have to see about that."


End file.
